Karen A. Duncan, M.A.
Bullying as a Form of Child Abuse: Female Bullies
"Sugar and spice and all things nice," are words from a childhood nursery rhyme that attempts to idealize society's vision of girls in terms of their femininity, personality and character. But ask any girl who has been the target of the female bully and they will most likely tell you "that couldn't be further from the truth"! While girls are still the primary victims of familial abuse and violence, they are fast becoming perpetrators of bully abuse and often the target of their abuse are other girls.
At times, female bullies can become just as physically abusive and violent as male bullies. They have been known to band together and physically assault both boys and girls. A study in Canada found that girls reported they had taken another student's lunch money, beat up or threaten somebody with a weapon, or engaged in stealing by using threats of physical violence at school. However, this stereotypical pattern of the male bully's behavior does not always hold for the female bully. While the male bully will often act alone, but while seeking the approval of peers who witness his abuse in school or classroom, the female bully often engages other peers to be a part of the abuse by taking an active role in maintaining an abusive cycle with another student.
How Female Abuse Differs
Girls who abuse other children are more covert using indirect, seemingly subtle, sly of hand, behind the back, manipulative tactics of abuse. They often engage in coercion, gossip, isolation tactics, backstabbing, verbal taunting, threats of aggression, character assassination and exclusion. Their abusive behavior is often more difficult for adults to ascertain and identify than the typical male's behavior of physical aggression, sexual harassment or threats of violence. The motivation for girl bullies is also less related to the gender stereotypes of bully abuse and more related to dominating social circles, maintaining popularity and appearance, control over a peer group and acceptance of their power by students they call their friends. These are the reasons female bully abuse is often referred to as relational abuse.
Patterns of Abuse
Like their male counterpart, the girl who perpetrates bully abuse can become the adult who abuses within her family, in the workplace or in her neighborhood. Recent studies on workplace abuse indicate that while women are 86 percent of the people who are the target of bully abuse, they are also 58 percent of the perpetrators. And, just like when they were in school, it is emotional and verbal abuse that women engage in against other women within the workplace. It is important to remember that people who abuse seldom "grow out" of this destructive, aggressive and violent behavior unless meaningful intervention takes places to stop the abuse. One of the positive outcomes of studies with adolescent offenders is that early therapeutic intervention shows promise at preventing more destructive patterns later in life.
The immediate effects of emotional and verbal abuse by girls is not always apparent because unlike physical abuse there may not be recognizable injuries or immediate identifiable repercussions of the bully's behavior. Emotional and verbal abuse does leave injuries and often these injuries can last a lifetime leaving permanent marks upon a girl's developing sense of self. Some girls report that social ostracism, ridicule, belittlement and constant criticism can hurt more and for longer than a simple slap or hit to the face. Because girls are socialized to "fit in" and be "popular" they often will put up with the abuse by female bullies rather than report it and ask for help.
Underlying Causes of Girls Abusing Other Girls
Over the years studies and clinical reports have provided answers as to how women become victims of abuse that often begins in their childhood and extends into their adult lives. What is more recent is understanding what is causing the development of girls into bullies (and adult perpetrators). While the answers are not definitive yet, they do point to some readily discernible and emerging conclusions to be further studied. These conclusions are not stereotypes of girls as back-biting and vicious. Rather they give thoughtful consideration in the attempt to understand this ever-growing problem and develop interventions that are solution-oriented on behalf of girls - both the bully and the victim.
The following is a list of emerging factors that contribute to girls becoming perpetrators of bully abuse:
- The media: There is no denying the impact media has had and will continue to have upon this generation of children. Given the ever increasing hours that children are in front of the television and the lack of supervision within the home (often due to multiple reasons) children are inundated with few choices that promote and support positive role models among the "media stars" they do idolize. From videos, to CD's, and television shows like "Sex in the City" and "Survivor" to scandals in the news, wars and violence and political campaigns, children are constantly bombarded with narrow views of humanity, evidence of hypocrisy, competition to win "at any cost", and character assassination of the person next to you if it gets you what you want. Within this media culture, girls (or boys) have few role models who espouse the genuine and positive aspects of being a girl (or a boy). While not the only source of learning, the media does have an influence on how girls view themselves, each other, their relationships and their developing values.
- Cultural changes and new expectations: When girls abuse other girls one of the underlying factors is competition - competing for friends, attention, compliments, control - and it can be fierce as girls make the transition from grade school to middle school and then from middle school to high school. Bully abuse by both boys and girls can increase during this period of dramatic and rapid change. This is a destabilizing time for kids because not only are theymoving into a new physical location, they are moving into another stage of adolescentdevelopment and moving away from what has been familiar while dealing with these major lifechanges as best they can often with little recognition that they could use some concerted help to make these changes occur more smoothly. Cultural changes are also occurring. The cultures of grade school to middle and of middle school to high school are markedly different and with these cultural changes come new expectations that are often not readily known to kids. One of these unknown expectations is that friends are going to change and that they, and their friends, might make new friends. These cultural changes and new expectations can trigger fierce competition in some girls and in turn cause them to become more aggressive in their behavior toward friends and peers as a way of controlling what is feeling beyond their control.
- A lack of conflict resolution skills: Contrary to popular myth, girls do not naturally know how to resolve conflict and differences regardless of the stereotype that "girls are the ones who understand relationships". This lack of knowing how to talk to their girl friends, discuss what they are feeling or thinking and how they are changing during this critical stage of development as well as what they may need from each other is not a natural process for most girls at this age. Girls need these skills if they are going to make a healthy passage through this stage of life - from puberty through adolescence and into young adulthood.
- Overriding desire to fit in: Girls have a fear of expressing their individual uniqueness and personal preferences because of their overriding desire to fit in and be accepted by their friends. Adolescence is a time of exploration and emerging identity, but both the exploration and the emergence are thwarted when girls are not supported and encouraged to express their differences, appreciate their uniqueness and explore interests not usually thought about. Carol Gilligan, an author who studies female moral development shares that "mean behaviors do, in fact, bud as adolescence dawns and girls learn to curb their words and recast themselves to please others. She knows she has to not be herself is she wants other people to value her and include her." With this dual sense of loss stemming from no longer being who they were in grade school and not able to explore who they might be today or next year, girls are not able to express their true selves. As Gilligan states, "they feel they can't say what they know, so they tend to become silent or outraged - quiet and mean." As girls get caught within this emotional and social spiral they can become more angry, frustrated, aggressive and violent.
- Family abuse: There are a significant group of girls who perpetrate bully abuse because of the abuse that is found within their family and either directed toward them from parents or siblings, or because they witness abuse and violence between their parents or as a parent directs the abuse toward another child. While abuse has multiple effects on children's development one of the more pervasive ones is a lack of information about emotions and the healthy (nonviolent) expression of anger. Another aspect of family abuse is that children do not learn about compassionate behavior toward others. Abuse confuses many aspects of life, but it can particularly distort what is a healthy relationship and how to treat others with whom you have a relationship.
Interventions for Girls Who Commit Bully Abuse
The interventions outlined in the previous article are also recommended to be followed with girls who perpetrate bully abuse in schools. What is especially important to have for girls is a component that helps them to identify changes in friendships that are a natural and healthy part of life. Also, girls benefit from learning how to express anger in a healthy, direct and straight forward manner rather in ways that are passive-aggressive or aggressive. Consciousness raising is also effective with girls where the focus is on finding the common background, history and rights that all girls share in our society.
Our culture still has a difficult time accepting that girls do feel angry and that they have times and causes in which anger is a healthy and connected emotion to what is occurring in their lives. Finally, encouraging girls not tot tolerate and to challenge the stereotypes, pressures and narrow definition of what it means to be a girl at each stage of their development is particularly meaningful. Giving girls the message that they do not have to sacrifice themselves in order to have superficial friendships with other girls or relationships with boys will set the stage for confidence and a strong identity that will take them into the future once they leave school. Both boys and girls benefit when they learn that stereotypes are narrow, seldom based on genuine information and that change is a natural part of life that brings new opportunities and yes, loss as well. Allowing, teaching and providing children a forum on how to express their feelings and ask questions is often what they need during the turbulent years of passage from childhood to adolescence and beyond.