A compassionate approach to healing childhood sexual abuse
by Karen A. Duncan, M.A.

Prevention, Healing and Recovery
Karen A. Duncan, M.A.

Bullying as a Form of Child Abuse: Intervention Strategies for Schools

In the first part of this series I identified bullying as type of child abuse committed by children against other children. Unfortunately, bullying is not a new kind of abuse but its frequency and intensity is increasing at ever-alarming rates. The long-term effects of bully abuse that occurs to the child who is the victim is becoming better understood - loss of self-esteem, disruption of education, and eruption of retaliatory violence toward the bully or the by-standers. The development of the child bully into the adult perpetrator is also being understood as studies and treatment programs for perpetrators have begun to identify how adult perpetrators begin their cycle of violence as children and often as schoolyard bullies.

The sage advice of parents, teachers or other adults to "ignore it" no longer works for our generation of children and based on what kids tell me, I do not think it ever did. Among the reasons this outdated advice does not work is the type of bully abuse that occurs in schools today. Consequently, the level of violence perpetrated by children against other children has escalated beyond what our grandparents or even our parents probably could have imagined. The possible reasons for this escalation of violence among children can be found within our culture, the media, families and the children themselves. However; the most violent cases of children abusing other children and the retaliation that can occur by the victim is but one aspect of bully abuse. Bully abuse has a range of behavior that effects students physical, mental and emotional safety as well as that of the school community and needs to be stopped.

The key to understanding any type of abuse perpetrated by a person toward someone else is that abuse is about having absolute power and control over another human being. Children are capable of learning about abusive power in terms of: who has power, how to get power and who to target to prove your power. When children learn these steps of abusive power they have the capability of proliferating abuse toward other children in a systematic manner and like other perpetrators some of them can be relentless once it begins. When adults do not step in and intervene to stop bully abuse then the power and control cycle are reinforced and bully abuse will proliferate and flourish causing harm to other children while it does!

School counselors are in a key role to intervene and stop bully abuse in schools. A bully intervention strategy can be incorporated into existing child abuse awareness programs already offered in schools. When these types of programs are already in place intervening with bullies and preventing a particular child's bully behavior from continuing becomes an extension of existing abuse prevention programs. School counselors who are supported by their administration to develop, sponsor and offer students, teachers and parents education about all forms of child abuse - what it is and how to stop it - provide a valuable community service within their school. The school counselor who promotes the program also reinforces the value of treating others with respect and courtesy, which is demonstrated in the daily interaction of teachers, students and school staff.

What School Counselors Can Do

School counselors can take a leadership role in identifying the specific benefits of a stop bully abuse program for their students. They can also supply the guidance needed to identify each adult's role in stopping bully abuse from occurring in their schools. While programs do not have to be complicated, they do require time to create, implement, promote and maintain. A stop bully program has to begin with adults and while they certainly can include students, it is the adults who will need to make and keep this commitment to children. The rewards are the outcomes: decrease bully abuse, a safe school environment and less disruption in the classroom! There is also a real long-term possibility: prevent bully abuse from occurring more than once to a student by any one student - the fewer the bullies, the fewer the children harmed! Measurable goals can be obtained from a stop bully abuse program and while bully abuse is not the only factor affecting students, it is one factor that schools can have a measure of control over!

Identify the Problem and Promote Awareness

Begin by identifying the behavior of bullies. Not only does a definition give teachers, staff and children a guide to go by, it can make the bully uncomfortable. Teachers identify the problem throughout the school year by putting up posters in their classroom that students make at the beginning of the year. These posters can be rotated once a month, placed in the cafeteria, music room, art room, restrooms, offices, nurse's room, library and entrance hallway. Kids can be chosen by a "draw" where names are put into a hat and selected at random. Kids can work together to place the posters in designated areas and bring already placed posters back to the teacher.

This is one of the key ways of getting students involved. In middle school, posters about bully abuse and other forms of abuse toward children are also displayed in classrooms and throughout the school. Middle school is also a good age to include posters about assault and sexual harassment - what it is and who to report it to when it occurs. Sexual harassment and assault is a form of bully abuse that occurs between boy and girls, both toward the same sex-gender and the opposite-sex gender. Again, bully abuse programs are a natural extension of existing child abuse prevention programs and that includes sexual abuse and harassment as well as physical assault and verbal abuse toward children.

Posters are simple and cost-effective ways to identify and give the problem a name, promote awareness throughout the school and get both teachers and students involved. Posters are completed at the beginning of the school year and reviewed once a month during "Stop Abuse Day." Incorporated into the classroom, students read out loud 2-3 of the student's posters. Teachers are encouraged to have a ten minute discussion about bully abuse after the posters are read by asking questions: Why do we care when bully abuse happens to kids? What causes kids to be bullies? Why is it important to report bully abuse? Who knows if abuse to children is against the law? How does bully abuse effect kids? How are kids to report bully abuse when it happens?

Sticker that kids and teachers wear on their clothes is another inexpensive way to promote stop bully abuse awareness. These can be similar to the pins we adults receive when we vote: "I voted" stickers can be replaced with "Against Bullies" stickers. Once a month stickers are handed out on a Monday to remind kids and teachers that bully abuse is not to be tolerated. Monday is a good day to hand out the stickers so that awareness with kids takes place not only on that day but all week! This is also a week when essays on "why bullying is wrong" can be written by kids. Another option to writing is to draw a story or write a poem as to why bullying is wrong. Essays, "art stories" and poems can both be posted outside of classrooms during the week to promote awareness of stop bully abuse.

On the other side of bully abuse awareness is courtesy and respect awareness. Any worthwhile prevention program on bully abuse will include this component to identify for kids that courtesy and respect toward others begins with having this attitude toward ourselves. The same strategies described above apply to courtesy and respect awareness. Posters that identify courtesy and respect both toward self and others are also made and distributed throughout the school. One Monday out of the month written essays, art stories and poems are assignments for students. Sticker pins that read "Courtesy Matters" or "Self Respect" are handed out to students and teachers to be worn that day. Teachers can ask questions that promote discussion: What is courtesy? How do you show courtesy to each other? How can courtesy be shown on the playground? How can courtesy be show in the hallway, restroom or cafeteria? What does it mean to have respect? To give respect? How does respect make you feel? How is courtesy and respect the opposite of bully abuse?

These types of awareness and promotion strategies to stop bullying and encourage courtesy and respect incorporate learning: thinking, decision-making, social skills, writing, art, reading, cooperation and discussion. They are inexpensive, school-wide, integrated into the classroom, support existing curriculum and promote problem-solving skills for students. In the classroom, teachers take an active role by asking students who behave in a discourteous or disrespectful manner to go to the back of the room at a table designated as the "courtesy and respect table" and write a one page essay on how their behavior was discourteous or disrespectful by referencing the posters or essays displayed in the classroom. The student is also asked to write an apology to the student that they behaved in a discourteous manner toward. Once completed the student returns to the class activity and read the essay and apology to the class and the student at the end of lesson plan or class activity so as not to disrupt the learning of other students (which is courteous!). After the apology is read to the student in front of the class then the letter is given to the student who was offended and recognition by the teacher is given to the child who transgressed courtesy. Also, when teachers intervene and step-in early regarding courtesy and respect guidelines for students they have an opportunity to prevent bully abuse before it occurs outside or inside the classroom. They are also shaping non-abusive behavior and positive attitudes toward self and others. These actions are positive affirmation and model for students how to make amends and set things right!

Referral Access for Intervention

It is suggested that one school counselor or guidance counselor at the elementary and middle school level be designated for leadership of the stop bully abuse program. If it is more feasible for this leadership to be rotated among the guidance/counseling staff then the name of the counselor who is in a leadership position that month is posted outside the counseling/guidance office (this actually could be done for the school year). School counselors giving leadership to the program would introduce themselves and the program to students at the beginning of the school year and then follow-up to remind students, in the winter and again in the spring.

The school counselor would also introduce herself to parents at open-houses and provide parents with a one-page flyer outlining the program. School newsletters are also a good way to promote the program continuously with parents and other community leaders. A monthly column for the school newsletter along with a bi-monthly flyer to parents is an effective means of keeping parents aware that the stop bully abuse program exist, who to contact with questions or concerns and who they can be expected to be contacted by if their student is referred to the school counselor because of bullying.

School counselors should be called upon to present the stop bully abuse program to new teachers at orientation and to all teachers and staff at the beginning of the school year. A one page calendar at the beginning of the year handed out to teachers will allow them to plan and be aware of when the program is to be promoted in their classroom and how discourteous and disrespectful behavior are to be handled. At the same time, teachers and staff need a simple method for referring students when they suspect or witness that bully abuse is occurring by a student.

Teachers and staff are to follow the bully abuse program ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY and to "intervene immediately, send the student to the guidance office with instructions to see the designated school counselor in charge of the bully abuse program". The student is instructed to see the school counselor or taken by the adult to the school counselor giving leadership to the program. The teacher or other staff sends a completed short-form to the school counselor giving the student's name, grade, the name of the student who was bullied, and a brief description of the incident with a focus on specific bully behavior - pushing, shoving, name calling, teasing, embarrassment, ridicule, etc.- is noted on the form and signed by the teacher/staff person. Teachers are also to note who the by-standers were that witnessed the bully abuse and gave attention to the bully rather than walking away and telling a teacher or other adult in the area when the bully abuse occurred. (Note: the forms for reporting can be placed throughout the school for quick access by teachers and staff by being placed in a folder and hung on the wall).

Meeting With the Student Who Committed Bully Abuse

The school counselor meets with the student to determine from her the reason she was referred. The student is given a review of the stop bully abuse policy. She is also told that her parent(s) will be called that day and a conference will be scheduled with the student and parents within 24 hours. The student is then instructed to write a description of how her behavior was bully abuse, how she probably made the other person feel and how she felt while she was doing the bullying. This is left at the guidance office before the student returns to class. The student is told that she will not be able to return to class until the description is given to the school counselor. She is then instructed to write an apology to the student that was bullied and a copy is made. Upon returning to the classroom she reads the apology letter to the student and then gives it to the student that experienced her bully abuse. If the student is in another classroom then arrangements are made for the student to be escorted by the school counselor to the other student's room for reading of the apology. She is further instructed that her description of the bully abuse and the apology letter to the student she bullied needs to be completed before she can remain in class the next day. If the student is not able to return to class due to not completing either of the above she is instructed that she will be given her class assignments to complete in the school office until the above are completed and a conference is held with her parents.

Parent Conference

The parent conference is scheduled and if at all possible takes place by the next day. While parents work schedules have to be considered it is recommended that parents be confirmed for a school conference with their child no later than 48 hours. Parents needs to be reminded that until the conference takes place their child will not be able to return to the classroom, but will complete assignments in the guidance office. If school counselors are comfortable with taping the conference then parents are asked to sign a release to do so and given the option of receiving a copy of the tape within three days of the conference. If school counselors are not comfortable with taping the conference then notes should be taken for summary and review later. Taping the conference is a good feedback and development process for school counselors - listening to the conference can help counselors to identify their style of interacting with parents, what to improve and what is effective. It also helps parents to stay more calm than if they are not being taped and provides a record of the conference.

The student's behavior is reviewed with the parent by having the student read their own description of their bully abuse. The emphasis is on identifying how the student's behavior was bully abuse, the apology that the student gave to the child that was bullied and what parents are doing at home to discourage bullying and encourage courtesy and respect. This is an opportunity for the school counselor to gain insight into the family dynamics and home environment. A handout on expected behavior for students at school is given to the parents: no touching other students, no teasing or ridicule or making fun of other students, discuss feelings in a calm manner, express anger appropriately and not with ridicule, sarcasm, loud voices or physical aggression and to follow the limits and standards of behavior set forth by the school.

For a one time incident the student is asked to sign a written pledge not to commit bully abuse again and this written pledge is witnessed by the parents with their signature as well. This pledge is posted in the guidance office for one week and given a gold star by the student's name. The student is given a sticker "Against Bullies" and the parents are given a sticker of "Courtesy Matters". Both the student and parents are thanked for coming to the conference and reminded that if a second incident occurs the student will be referred to the "Against Bullying Group (ABG)" that meets three days at a designated time during a one week period. The parents will be notified if this happens and a written permission form for their child to attend the group is signed during the conference so that is on file for the student to attend ABF. It is explained to parents that students come to the ABG during a non-academic classroom time, so they may have to come during art, music, gym, etc. in order to attend. The goal of the ABG is to prevent more a more serious occurrence of bully abuse and to assist the child to be a more positive peer with students. Parents sign an "end of conference" agreement which is filed in the school counselor's office.

By-standers As Witness' and Encouragers of Bully Abuse

The student(s) who was identified as the by-stander(s) by the adult who reported the bully abuse are called to the office individually and asked to write down what was witnessed as bully abuse, how their behavior encouraged bully abuse, what they need to do the next time they witness bully abuse, what they felt during the bully abuse and what the student felt who was being bullied. The school counselor reviews with the student(s) the school policy on zero tolerance for bully abuse and by-stander encouragement of bullying. The student's are given a warning to follow school policy in the future or the next occurrence of by-stander behavior will result in a conference with their parents. Before they leave the office they are asked to write an apology to the student they harmed and instructed to read and give the apology letter to the student when they return to class. The students are given an "Against Bullies" and copies of the apology are made for the school counselor's file and kept with the bully abuse description. If the student is in a different class then the by-stander is escorted by the school counselor to the student. If not, then their teacher confirms with the school counselor that the apology took place once the student returns to the classroom. A similar policy is followed with regard to the bully: until the description and apology are written the students are not allowed to return to the classroom, but will complete their class assignments in the office. If they continue to refuse after one day then a parent conference is scheduled.

The Child Who Was the Target of Bully Abuse

The child who is the target of the bully abuse needs attention as well. This child should be called to the office immediately following the meeting with the child who committed the bully abuse and the by-standers who encouraged it. The purpose of this conference is to assure the child that she is not in trouble, ask if she is okay, find out what she needs to feel safe and secure at this time, ask how it felt to her when the bullying occurred, what the bully specifically did or said, and who witnessed the bully abuse. The child should be informed that a call needs to take place to their parent while they are there in the office to inform the parent what occurred, assure the parent the child is safe, and that the bully abuse has stopped and the child who bullied has been addressed according to school policy and the stop bully abuse program. Any questions by the parent are answered and encouragement to comfort the child once they reach home is suggested. The child should have the apology letter(s) to share with their parent(s). One week later this child is called back to the school counselor's office to touch base and see how things are going and to assure that no further bully abuse has occurred by the same child or someone different. This process is similar to a stress de-briefing and is encouraged since children have even fewer coping skills than do adults!

Against Bullying Group

Although the name of the group is focused on bullying the goals of the group are to promote courtesy and respects among students and to teach the skills that students either lack, or are not reinforced and practiced in their every day environment. Goals include: conflict management and resolution, problem-solving, developing and maintaining a positive attitude, listening to what another person is saying, empathy, compassion, honesty, communication skills such as not interrupting or not talking all the time, taking turns, how not to call names and label, identifying feelings-mad, glad, sad-and to express those feelings in a way that gives the student self-esteem and self-confidence, leadership qualities and role modeling.

This is an outline of what an effective group counseling program would involve. School counselors can tailor this group to meet the needs of a specific group of kids who are in the three-day program. For example, one group of kids may need to focus on listening, communication skills and identifying feelings while another group later in the year may need to focus on leadership qualities, how not to call names and label, empathy and compassion. Students are given a certificate when they complete the program and a sticker that says "Leaders Against Bullying" which promotes their awareness of standing against bully abuse and not as a bully!

Community Referral

If after a student has completed the above steps and the bully abuse continues then it suggested that the school counselor conference with the parents and student to recommend outside intervention for the student. If asked by the parent, the school counselor can provide a list of therapists and other counselors they have spoken with in the area whom the parent can contact for more in-depth assistance with their child. If a parent does choose to seek outside intervention then they are asked to confirm with the school counselor when the appointment is scheduled and with whom. This suggestion to parents need to focus on preventing further educational problems or other long-term problems for their child. A release of information should be signed by the parent for the school counselor to share information with the child's therapist. Parents should be encouraged and supported to take this step. School counselors know that to recommend is not the same as mandating so that no liability or cost for the outside intervention occurs to the school. Parents should also be reminded that another transgression of bully abuse will lead to detention, classroom removal or suspension. These interventions for consistent bully abuse by a student let's both the parent and student know with no uncertainty that the school stands against child abuse!

A Word to Teachers and Staff

Perhaps it goes without saying but adults who interact with students in the school community are primary role models who teach and shape children's behavior. While not the only role models for students they are important given the amount of time that students spend in the school environment. Therefore, teachers and staff need to be cognizant that being firm and direct about bully abuse does not constitute behaving in an aggressive, threatening or abusive manner themselves. I jokingly but seriously remind teachers and staff that Bobby Knight is not a positive role model for adults who stand against abuse of any kind! If teachers and staff need some training to be more assertive rather than aggressive in their interactions with students then school counselors can provide this assistance as well. If we expect students to be accountable for their behavior and make changes, then adults need to make the same commitment for themselves!

Apology letters are a solid means of reinforcing anti-abusive behavior and positive attitudes. Verbal apologies work just as well. I encourage all adults to set the example - we know to do this - so that our kids look back at their time with us and remember that we were adults who showed we cared in word and deed. Also, studies show that just one adult who was positive toward a child in a consistent manner helped that child to cope during difficult times. I hope that each child has the opportunity to meet that one adult (or more) during their time at school. I know I did and I remember them well to this day.

Financial Support for the Program

While the costs for the program is minimal compared to the costs of other school programs such as athletics there are expenses that have to be covered. School counselors can seek grant funding, community donations from organizations like their chamber of commerce or mental health agency or they can have monies designated from parent clubs - PTA, Booster, Bantam Football, Soccer Leagues etc. - to support the program. Sometimes it is good to have three sources of funding with parent organizations designating at least 5% of their budget to the program. If the program can be given a line item in the school budget that assures the longevity of the program, but most importantly it indicates a school community's commitment to this very real social problem effecting thousands of students each year. A child's well-being and safety can only be provided when adults decide they will take a stand against abuse in all its many forms!

OVERVIEW OF STRATEGIES
Include in existing child abuse prevention programs

• School counselor provides:
  • leadership
  • presentation to students, staff and parents
  • reintroduces the program throughout the year
  • referral for intervention
  • intervention for bully abuse
    • student meetings
    • parent conferences
    • Against Bully Group Counseling
    • community referral
Courtesy and Respect identified through:
• student posters, essays, art stories and poems
• stickers to students once a month
Bully Abuse identified through:
• student posters, essays, art stories and poems
• stickers to students once a month
• Awareness of bully abuse and courtesy and respect:
  • once a month on designated days
  • teachers promote awareness in the classroom
    • discussions
    • apology letters
    • early intervention
• Financial support
  • parent groups
  • line-item budget
  • grants and community donations